Three's a Crowd

I think every man wants one. Some are even lucky enough to get it, but what does a threesome really say about your relationship? When is it acceptable to participate in this taboo act? When you're married? When you're single? With your jump off or with your long time lover?

I have heard some real horror stories regarding the infamous ménage a trios. While it seems adventurous and exciting, it can really ruin a relationship. What happens if your man (or you for that matter) decides to see the other person without your partner? Well, you've pretty much given them consent to sleep with this person, so whether you're there or not, it could still go down. What about if your man gets the other woman pregnant? Or either one of you decide you'd rather be in a relationship with that person! Emotionally, it seems that this situation can do more harm than good. Freaky is good, but when is too freaky, too much? On the other hand, can a ménage a trios improve your sex life? Maybe you and your other half need a little spice in your life and everything is completely normal afterwards. Maybe you're single and have no strings attached, so I say, be safe and go for it. So, good or bad? Ménage a trios or ménage a NOT?

I'm curious about people's experience with this topic so please let me know your story, if you have one. Stilettogirls@inbox.com or leave a comment.

Three's Company?

Dear Secrets, Sex and Stilettos:

My man and I have been discussing the idea of a threesome to celebrate his birthday coming up. It's a fantasy of ours that neither of us have tried. What do you think?

I say leave it as a fantasy. Actually going through with it could ruin the fantasy and ruin your relationship. I've heard stories about the woman getting jealous seeing another woman with her man and she ruins the whole thing. I've also heard of men leaving their woman to be with the other woman. However, I've heard of couples who have been together for years participating in one and their relationship is still intact today. You also have to trust you man wholeheartedly. If you already have doubts, inviting another woman into your bed will just perpetuate those feelings.  You have to decide if your relationship is strong enough to withstand any major turbulence that may come from this.

Stiletto Girls

Chasing Waterfalls

To truly enjoy sex, there are a few things that must be in order.  Let's review, a certain level of attraction to the person. There has to be something there to get things jumped off.  It may be physical, emotional, one or both.  Next, a place to balance, you have to lean on something! Chairs, counter tops, a wall, and maybe a bed.   Lastly, all that is needed is a ready to go stiff muscle, and a pool of love.  Everyone is different so you can fill in where necessary.
 
Speaking of pool of love, I was watching Dr. Oz yesterday and happened upon an intriguing product. K-Y jelly now has moisturizing pearls. The purpose of the product is to keep you "moisturized" for 2-3 days! All I can say is WOW!! Although the company is targeting menopausal woman....um who doesn't want to be more moisturized?!?!  I say the juicier the berry, the better the EVERYTHING!! 
 
In my research, I found that ingesting is only recommended in very small amounts.  So, oral may be out the question.  It may be worth foregoing oral sex, if it means increasing your pool to an ocean...feel me?  Also, there are no hormones involved so that is a plus.  Also, there natural ways to decrease dryness, or increase your pool these include, vitamin E capsules, flax seed oil, and plenty of water!  Please ask your doctor if you are having increased dryness.  This option may not be for you. I'm just exploring what's out there for a better sexual experience.
 
Overall the jury is still out, please share if you have had an experience or a suggestion.  
 

Fifty Shades of Grey

So how is the reading coming along? People have been telling me that they love this book and they can't wait to read part two and three. Later in the week I will have a day that we will have the book club. In the mean time, continue reading Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. There are so many topics to discuss in this book.Let me know if you need help getting the book. Maybe I'll share.

Dream Lover, Come Rescue Me

Have you ever been in the middle of sex session and your mind wandered someplace else? Maybe you were making love on a warm sunny beach, where the sand feels like baby powder, instead of staring at the four walls of your bedroom. What if you’re imagining something erotic that you wouldn’t normally engage in, like a threesome with your partner or role playing? This kind of fantasizing can be helpful and simulating during sex. But what if your thoughts wander to SOMEONE else during sex? Is that acceptable?  I’m all for fantasizing during sex, but if you’re imagining the way your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend did it, well, then you might as well be cheating. If you consistently fantasize about having sex with another person, that’s a clear sign that you are having some relationship trouble, in my opinion. If you’re single and engaging in sex, I suppose you can fantasize about whomever the hell you want to, which is a plus to being single. However, in a committed relationship, what’s acceptable and what isn’t? So, I ask you, Secrets, Sex and Stiletto readers….If you're sexually faithful to your partner, do you think it's okay to fantasize about having sex with someone else?

IT'S EITHER ALL or NONE!

Spring has sprung, and summer is fast approaching.  As the temperature rises, and the clothes come off, so does the hair.  I’m not speaking of the hair up top, but the hair below.  A few years back, a friend of mine introduced me to the electrical razor.  I don’t know if it was all the buzzing, or the smooth finish.  All I know is that I was hooked! I was determined; my precious will always be in tip top shape.

From that day, I began to explore the best way to keep my stubble at bay without experiencing itching, or unsightly razor bumps.  The Brazilian wax seemed to be the most popular, but I heard horror stories. One of the stories included a clitoris getting ripped badly.  The key was to only go by reference, and I had no referrals handy.  Then, I tried Nair which works great! However, that bad chemical smell next to my va jay jay just seemed like cruel and unusual punishment.  A razor was totally out of the question, dealing with the after math was just no fun.

It boiled down to these options, get the Brazilian if you have a referral and a special occasion.  It’s so worth it, but please only by a professional.  Use the electrical razor, and the Nair for week to week up keep.  For kicks, have your partner shape you up…an amazing experience. In my opinion, its common courtesy to keep your asset manicured and polished. Especially of you don’t want the subway to skip ALL the downtown stops. 

However, a percentage of our population enjoys the “Welcome to the jungle” look instead of the “bald eagle”.  Going hairless enhances your sexual experience, nothing in the way.  The skin to skin will definitely enhance your orgasm.  Either way it’s all about your preference and what make you feel sexy.  Which do you prefer?  Any tips on staying fresh to def? 

Try a Little Tenderness

Dear Stiletto Girls,

I’m in my mid thirties and me and my husband have 3 kids. After six years of marriage, I’m completely bored in the bedroom. It used to be great! What can I do to spice things up?

If you’re bored in the bedroom then get out of the bedroom. No one says that’s where you have to make love. Take it outside (weather permitting.)  As long as you’re not in danger of getting a summons or something, I say go for it. However, the bedroom can still be as equally exciting, if YOU make it. Try new positions, toys, role playing, etc. When was the last time you had a babysitter take the kids and you two had a candlelight dinner at home with soft music playing and then enjoyed each other for dessert? You are the only one who can pull you out of the sexual rut. It’s not hard to change it up if you try.

If you want advice, hit us up StilettoGirls@inbox.com

If the Head Right, Nelly There Err Night

Many, many years ago, in my early 20's, I had a friendship with this young gentleman who worked in the same building as me. We got cool, started hanging out and talking on the phone. I eventually let him take me shopping and take me out to nice dinners. He would bring me roses and I never paid for a thing when I was with him. He wouldn't have it. He was a really nice guy. So, naturally the closer we became, the more I expected us to have a mature sexual relationship.

 

 Well, on his first trip downtown, I realized how mature he wasn't! It was so bad, I had to just say, "That's enough. Come up here." I mean, it was so bad, I could have been washing my hair while he was doing it. He might as well had been licking my arm.  I had no desire or patience to teach a grown man the art of cunnalingus. Yes, oral sex is an art and must be perfected, but practice on someone else. So I had to cut him loose-quick time pronto, as my Grandmother would say. So, I want to know...do you teach a good guy the ropes or is experience priceless?

Wanna Play?

Spicing things up in the bedroom is very similar to cooking. Sprinkle a vibrator there, a pinch of a nipple clamp here, and a half cup of lube can turn your sexcapade into a job well done!  For some, this is untouched territory, if so too bad for you. Whether you use it alone or with your partner, you're in for a great experience.

In my research, I found that women are more willing than man to use sex toys. It seems that for a woman having sex with another woman, it's a necessity!  Most woman would agree getting that orgasm includes some penetration.  For men with other men, one is usually the receiver and the other the giver. Whether you're giving or receiving, sex toys can really enhance your orgasm.  There are dildos, strap ons, anal beads, rings, enhancers, and games. The list goes on and on.  So, with the many different toys to choose from where do you begin?

First off, I would recommend watching a few sex movies. This is only for the open minded!  Some great ideas can be conceived from watching others play. I'm always thinking, does that chick really feel that good?  I need to know!  Next, start off small, a vibrator, edible panties can all do the trick.  Sex toys are an investment, if your on a budget choose wisely.  Also, if your shopping in a sex store talk to one of the workers. Don't be scared; they have heard it all!!  Finally, be open minded, these toys are designed to provide pleasure so enjoy.

If your partner is a little apprehensive, make sure you're comfortable with your choice. Trust me, having confidence, it's what turns you on! So go for it!  Oh and please don't forget the water soluble lube!

So, are sex toys during a session a must? Or can you do without it?  What's your absolute fav?

Pump Your Brakes

Hey,

I’m a 19 year old virgin. I met this guy I like and we’ve been hanging out for 2 months. I want to have sex with him, but I’m scared. What should I do?

Babygirl, If you’re scared, then you’re probably not ready. You said you like him, but how much does he like you? 2 months is not enough time to decide if you should give away something that you can never get back. I know women in their 30’s who wish they would have waited and given themselves to someone special. Is he honest, trustworthy and REALLY into you? Only you know the answers to that. Trust me, sex is so much better and more intense when the attraction and LOVE is mutual. 

If you have an advice question, hit us up at StilettoGirls@inbox.com

Fifty Shades of Grey

As I mentioned in my previous post, I've been reading Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James. It's book one of the Fifty Shades Trilogy. I really like this book minus a few minor writer flaws. Ms. James is from Europe, but the story takes place in Washington state. The characters will say things like, "What time shall I collect you?" or "I'll go fetch us some tea." this was a little non-American to me, but other than that, this was a great read.

I want to invite you all of you to read this book with me and we will have a Secrets, Sex and Stilettos book club meeting on it. You can get the book at Amazon. I would recommend downloading it, as the paperback is sold out until April, the book is that damn hot! Get the book and I'll follow up. If you're having trouble getting the book, let me know. Maybe I can help. Don't get too hot and bothered while reading!

Any questions, hit me up at StilettoGirls@inbox.com

My Hands are Tied...

I must admit that I don't know a lot about S and M relationships. The idea of being whipped, tied, blindfolded or gagged hasn't really appealed to me, so it's never happened. It's about control and having to give all of the control to the person who isn't tied up. I can be quite the control freak so, the idea of being tided up to me, is about as sexy as a straight man in stilettos! But, ever since I've started reading this book, Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James, I think being blindfolded and tied could be kind of sexy! The book is about a very successful, young, CEO who meets an innocent young woman and he pretty much turns her out because this is the stuff that he's into. I thought the book was great and it gave me some good ideas about trying new things. I mean, this could be something cool to try, if you're tired of the same ole, same ole. So, I ask you...is being tied up, blindfolded and totally dominated sexy or scary?

Time waits for no one.....

Finding that special someone most would agree, is not an easy task. Especially now that we live in a world which includes face book, twitter, instagrams, and let's not talk about cell phones.  Remember when we had to memorize a number?  Or, actually wait for someone to call you back? Can you remember a time when you felt that electricity run through your entire body?   For me, it’s all in a kiss, it can turn me all the way off or all the way on!  Bottom line, when the chemistry is there it is most definitely undeniable.  From there, the energy can go one of three ways, a dead end, a jump off, or embark on a long and steamy relationship.  When you meet someone and that vibe is there things can move faster than posting a new status!

Which brings me to the question, how soon is too soon to bang someone’s head off?  In high school I might believe that a person should wait say three months, or at least until your wedding night!  Shoot, as you get older and sex gets better (it really does), you may rethink that rule.  Three months is a long time to wait to find out if that “thang” is going to make the cut.  Let’s face it not everyone can make the cut!

Why wait to see if it’s actually worth the wait?  Seriously, is having sex during the first date or so such a terrible idea?   Look, if it’s a ride you want to try again, you will know right away.  If not, you can cut your losses and move on. Granted, we all know practicing safe sex is ALWAYS in order.

To me, getting a sample of the goods seems like the only way to go. Why tip toe around the obvious?     Who has time to wait around and HOPE he/she is good in bed?   Which is better, going with the flow and see where things go naturally? Or, going old school and making your prospect wait it out?

Does it quack?

I just starting dating this dude and I am REALLY feeling him.  The only thing that bothers me is his face book status. It says he is in a relationship. His responds by saying , “It’s up there to throw people off”.  To him, he doesn't think it’s a big deal. He says it’s just face book, and I shouldn't worry about it. In my eyes it just seems fishy. I don't want to snoop around trying to interpret what each post means. Please help should I just chill or drop him?
 Anonymous
 
 At the end of the day you have to be able to trust what your man says.  Also, he should have no problem doing WHATEVER it is to make you happy.  Honestly, snooping around takes too much energy. Your relationship will be doomed for failure!  There is an old saying, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and quacks like a duck then guess what? It’s a duck....

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

I’m a 24 year old single girl. I had a boyfriend for 3 years, but now I think I’m totally into women. When I’m in bars I pay more attention to pretty girls then guys. I have even thought about a woman while I was having sex with a guy. What should I do?

Anonymous

Your 20’s are all about SAFE experimentation. If you feel that you are now attracted to women, the fantasizing is probably not going to stop until you satisfy it. That’s a whole new lifestyle to you, so I would take it slow, but try it out, if you so choose. You’re single and young. If you like it, then it will open your world to a whole new lifestyle that you may find exciting. If you hate it, you can go back to men and stash this in your “experimental phase” box. Just be safe and honest with your sex partners either way.

Stiletto Girls

If you have an advice question or post suggestion, hit us up at Stilettogirls@inbox.com

Fake It Til You Make It

Most women have done it at least once….Maybe the session is going a little long, you have to work in the morning, you can’t concentrate or maybe he’s just not hitting the right spot. Whatever the case may be, it’s my opinion that it’s alright to fake it every once in a while. If you have to do it every night, well, then it’s time to discuss some things. You have to figure out what takes you there and help him figure it out too. Most women know which positions will give them the best orgasm, but if you don’t, you MAY need to fake it. Here are three ways to fake it successfully. 1. Don’t do it every time. HE doesn’t even think he’s that good. 2. You’re not Angelina Jolie. Don’t try to be an actress. Less is more. AND finally, 3. Don’t EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, admit it. Are you trying to crush his ego?!? So, what’s your opinion? Is faking it totally foul?

Getting Ahead

Dear SSS,
 I've been dating a beautiful young lady for about four months. Everything is going great! What's even better is we have a great sexual energy!  Just one thing she hasn't given me head!  I don't want to be rude but how long do I have to wait?  So my question what is an acceptable time frame to ask for head?

Handsome BX man


First things first...have you performed your oral duties yet? If not, you better get to it if you want it done to you. If you have already, then you should probably just ask her casually, outside of the bedroom, what her thoughts about giving head are. Maybe she waits a certain amount of time or she simply doesn't like to give head. Either way, after you find out what her reasons are, you can decide if they're a deal breaker for you.

Happy Head Hunting!

To Porn or not to Porn?

A few moons ago my partner and I had a steamy porn in heavy rotation for what seemed like FOREVER! Maybe it was for a week or two, but we like to keep it fresh. We never changed it because the end result included great sex and a good night or morning sleep. Nevertheless, one day I just got tired of seeing the same ol ass. So I promptly took it out and threw it somewhere across the room. Nothing personal it was time for change......there was no way in hell this chick would be a mainstay in our bedroom.

So I head to work that evening to tend bar, and this chick with a pink weave sits in front of me and says, "It’s my birthday!" We figure out what will get her drunk fast and I begin to get the job done. The whole time I'm thinking, "Where do I know this chick from?" She looks at me and says, "Yes it’s me, Pinky." It finally occurs to me that this is the same chick from the porno that we’ve had in heavy rotation all week.

While I sat back in awe watching the entire restaurant going crazy....I thought“what should I say?!?!” Too embarrassed to say, “I just threw you away!”

Then it came to me! She was helping ME OUT! All I could do was thank her for well..... everything. She was obviously great at her job. My perception of her changed. She was now my Robin, a side kick if you will and I was so happy to meet my bedroom lacky!! Shoot, less work for me!

So we ask…do you embrace your Robin? Do you feel as though porn can enhance your bedroom game or put a damper on it? Your thoughts.......

Ass for days

Dear SSS,

My partner seems to really love a woman with a nice back side. Since I realized he is going to look any way I figured if you can’t beat em join em. So we are always on the hunt for what we both agree is a “nice” ass. Now I feel as though I have become obsessed, second guessing myself and feeling a bit insecure. It seems like everywhere I turn there is a fat ass! Like they come a dime a dozen now! Anyway I was considering getting some injections, but I don’t know what my man will think. Ultimately I want to be the best and ONLY ass he admires. So, ass shots or not?

Sincerely,

KLM

First off, want to commend you and your partner for being open with each other and having fun.  It is important to have a sense of humor. Most importantly, laughing is key to a successful relationship.  However, it is important to dig deep and understand why you feel insecure about your body.  Your partner obviously wants you and is with you, not the chick with the fat ass.  It seems to us that it is your confidence which your partner enjoys.  If you do this, will that self- doubt turn him off?  Is this a risk you are willing to take?   Before diving into plastic surgery, consider the negative outcomes and long-term effects. 

Although many people are getting ass shots done, remember we do not know what their ass will look like in 10 to 20 years!!!  We feel if you do your research and truly feel as though it will make you feel better by all means do you.  Remember, you have to look in the mirror every day.  Think about the up keep and how often you have to do the procedure to maintain your look. Talk to your hair dresser, family and friends, to find out if they know anyone who has had the procedure done.  Furthermore, find a reputable doctor that has proven results. 

On the other hand, we feel like you can achieve similar results by working out, and taking care of your body naturally.  Some exercises to try are squats, lunges, and yoga.   Working out will help build your self-confidence, enhance your sex drive and the long term results are proven to be effective!

Either way, it starts with confidence and respect.  Ladies, shake what your momma gave ya!!! and dont stand for yo man looking at no other booty but yours!!

Stilettos Girls

Advice Time

I am wrong for wanting my man to taste me after I climax?  He seems to think I should maybe get cleaned up first. I say why, when we are in the heat of the moment.  Do you have any suggestions for a compromise?

Thanks,

Chi Town Chic

Listen, when it comes to the bedroom and what feels good, we say just about anything goes.  No we don’t feel you’re wrong for wanting to feel good. Especially after climaxing, that is the best time to take it there!!! But, if you want it done, you will have to compromise.  To make your lover feel comfortable, just have a clean towel at the side of the bed and do a quick wipe off  OR teach him how to clean you off gently with a warm cloth-careful to only wipe front to back…the warm cloth will keep you hot and get you clean. You may even want to do it for him first to show him how you want it done.  Happy tasting!!

Stiletto Girls

Friday Fetish

New York City on a Friday night and I’m being called into an impromptu drink session with my man, my cousin and his lady friend. I was excited about being out, even though it was raining and I was stiletto-less. Everyone knows Manhattan is full of eclectic people and on this night, it didn’t disappoint. As we walked into the surprisingly, empty hotel bar, my eyes spotted something and I swore they were playing tricks on me. I turned to my cousin’s friend and asked, “Is that man wearing stilettos?” It is “The City” so, anything is possible, but as I looked around, I noticed more of them! It was a convention. Men from all over the U.S. and Canada, meeting for a weekend with their Stiletto boots on! We were so intrigued, especially my cousin, who insisted that the ladies should get a picture with these gentlemen. After walking over and telling them how much we loved their boots, they jumped at the opportunity to take a picture with us, but not before letting us know that many of the men are married to women and are not gay! Even the man who said he had ninety pairs of stilettos. They just have a fetish for wearing ladies boots. So, it got me thinking….are fetishes far out or more common than you think? And ladies, could you marry someone who had a kinky fetish?